Day 5 - Love is not rude

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. - Proverbs 27:14

"Rudeness is unnecesarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating.... The bottom line is that genuine love minds its manners."

Today's dare:

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from the perspective only.

Jason and I did this one together and I have to admit that it was very helpful. I told Jason my three things and they aren't big deals, but just things I find irritating. The most helpful thing for me was when he told me that he realized that I really didn't do anything to irritate him. Last year when we were having our problems, I thought it was something I did, but he admitted last night that it was nothing I did. He was being selfish and trying to place blame on me for things he did. I can't really put it into words correctly, but I finally realized that it wasn't me. He's told me before that I didn't do anything, but for some reason it finally clicked.

Day 4 - Love is thoughtful

How precious also are your thoughts to me...How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. - Psalm 139:17-18

Here are some parts of the reading that stuck out to me:

"Love thinks. It's not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotions and falls asleep mentally. It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions."

"If you don't learn to be thoughtful, you end up regretting missed opportunites to demonstrate love. Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship."

"A husband should listen to his wife and learn to be considerate of her unspoken messages. A wife should learn to communicate truthfully and not say one thing while meaning another."

Today's dare:

"Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you can do for them."

This dare was very easy for me because it is something Jason and I do everyday as it is. Throughout the day we send short text messages that just say, "I love you." I can't call him because he's not supposed to answer his phone during class, so at least with a text I'm not disturbing him.

Day 3: Love is not selfish

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor. – Romans 12:10

The point of today is to recognize that we are all selfish. We have low standards for ourselves, but expect so much from others. We have to learn to consider our mate’s happiness without trying to get something in return for ourselves. This also goes with Day 2 and kindness. How often do we do something nice only to look for something in return whether it’s a gift or just recognition? I know that I’ve done it before.

When I was in high school, I tried to remember everyone’s birthday in the hope that they would remember mine when it came around. When they didn’t remember or even acknowledge it, I was hurt and often vowed that I wouldn’t do anything for their birthdays. I don’t remember when I realized what I was doing, but now I just try to remember people’s birthday because it is the nice thing to do.

Today’s dare: Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today.”

I hadn’t even read day 3 until after I got home, but I managed to succeed in this one. I stopped at the store on my way home to pick up a newspaper and while I was there I bought Jason two cans of tobacco. It’s a habit that I really would like him to quit, but I can’t force him to do it. Yesterday he mentioned that he was running low, so I used some birthday money that I had received and bought him two cans. I also split my birthday money with him, so that he can get lunch this week or whatever else he wants. Today was successful.

Day 2: Love is Kind

Be kind to one another, tender-heared, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. - Ephesians 4:32.

This part really stood out to me: "It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness."

I know for others I have tended to do things to get recognition or praise for a kind act. This really opened my eyes that I need to do things just because it is kind not for a reward.

Today's dare: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

I did good on the negativity today, but there was also nothing that tempted me to be mean. Hopefully, with Jason and I working on this together we won't have a reason to say negative things to each other that might hurt.

I cleaned up the kitchen as my unexpected gesture of kindness. Usually I gripe at Jason to help out, but today I came home and cleaned out my desk and then headed for the kitchen. All of the dishes are washed and the dishwasher is running. I need to put a few more things away, but I'm really proud that I did something that I would normally wait for him to do.

Day 1 and 2

I have succesfully completed the first two days of our love challenge i think. i did not say anything negative to my lovely wife and today i helped run the cable cord from one end of the house to the other. she was in the attic and she was hurting herself so i got dressed and told her i would do it without her asking or even suggesting it. you may say that this does not sound like an unselfless act of kindness but i didnt even really know what was going on. i had just returned home from playing golf.

Day 1: Love is patient (Jenn)

Be completely humble and gently; be patient, bearing with one another in love. – Ephesians 4:2 NIV

The dare:

“The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.”

I have to admit that I failed miserably in the first day. Last night after I read Day 1, Jason, Haley and I went out to eat with his mother for my birthday. I have not been on speaking terms with my mother-in-law for a couple of weeks. She has rubbed me the wrong way on a few issues and so I have been avoiding her. Last night Jason brought up the two baseball tournaments that are going to be out of town. I told him that Haley and I will probably not make it because we do not have the extra money for hotel rooms and I was hoping the conversation would stop there, but it didn’t and then my mother-in-law jumped in that she would be more than willing to pay for the hotel if she could tag along. She has a habit of trying to tag along on all of our plans and it gets a little annoying. I was trying to get Jason to be quiet, but he wasn’t paying attention to me. After I came out of the restroom, while mother-in-law was still in there, I called Jason an asshole. Now it seems very childish and I immediately regretted saying it because I could see the hurt on his face.

I am trying to be better today, but I have a hard time keeping the negative comments to myself.

Welcome to our new blog

Jason and I recently watched Fireproof the movie. It is a relationship movie. Here's what it says on the back of the movie case:

"From the creators of Facing the Giants comes a powerful tale of triumph, honor and forgiveness.
Kirk Cameron stars as Caleb Holt, a heroic fire captain who values
dedication and service to others above all else. But the most important
partnership in his life, his marriage, is about to go up in smoke. This
gripping story follows one man's desire to transform his life and
marriage through the healing power of faith and fully embrace the fireman's code: Never Leave Your Partner Behind."

The movie spoke to both Jason and I. While I was out shopping yesterday, I stumbled across the book The Love Dare which was created because of the movie. It is a 40 day journey taken one day at a time to help better your relationship with your partner. This is the back cover of the book:

"Unconditional Love is eagerly promised at weddings, but rarely practiced in real life. As a result, romantic hopes are often replaced with
disappointment in the home. But it doesn't have to stay that way.

The Love Dare is a 40-day challenge for husbands and wives to understand and practice unconditional love. Whether your marriage is
hanging by a thread or healthy and strong, The Love Dare is a journey
you need to take. It's time to learn the keys to finding true intimacy and
developing a dynamic marriage. Take the dare!"

Jason and I are taking the dare together. This blog will be our journal about our progress through the dare. We will both be writing our thoughts each day as time allows. He is busy afterall.

Fireproof is a movie that I recommend, but it is religious. I hope you will follow us on our journey.